I have gained a lot of weight.

My body mass is a lot higher than the last time I checked. I watch what I intake, and do many activities, how  is my fat so large. Is it age? Am I just getting older. This cannot be, I am only seventeen hundred squid years old. I am to young for a mid elbow crisis.

Will the owner of this sea vessel please take it away. I pass it every day on my way to work and it looks very fancy, and I do not want some homeless fish to find its way into it and urinate on it. So please take it away. If you need more information, it has the words ti-nic written on it. 

You are cordially invited.

To attend an evening of festivities and entertainment. My brother was murdered by one of my companions the other day, so we are having a festival to commemorate this joyous occasion. Knowing that your brother is against you is no small burden for one to bear on his elbows. So I decided to have him eliminated. So let us celebrate the annihilation of one more enemy, and being one step closer to victory. The location is 1554 Octopus Gardens. If you need help its the only trench with a basket ball hoop. Mark your human calendars for April 17th, because this will be a night to remember. 

He is so stupid.

Hey this is Elbow Squids brother, I totally jacked his computer.

Man he is so full of himself. Just because he just happened to be born with elbows he thinks he controls the galaxy. My stupid brother is off on another of what does he call it, oh yeah "scouting mission" I swear sometimes I think he was molested as a child, how else can he be so messed up in the head. So don't believe any of the crap he spews out of his ink hole, he thinks he is great but he is just a mutant squid. I will try to keep you updated on his idiotic escapades. Oh yeah also when he wet himself until he was 400.

Conficker Computer Worm?

That is simply the most ludicrous idea on the planet. It is obviously a practical joke by some lowly human. I mean how on earth can a HUMAN get a worm inside of your computer, let alone thousands of computers. I mean even if he managed to get one inside of these blasted machines, it would need edibles. So please humans get over it, you are obviously being made the tom-fool.

I laugh at your recession

You humans and your need for money,you make me laugh. You live to work, and you work to live. Its quite Ironic really. So as you struggle to make enough money to put edibles into your offsprings feeding holes, I relax in my underwater kingdom. You all act as if this "recession" is a threat to life. It is a minor threat in comparison to me. I will destroy all you hold dear. So enjoy your imminent depression,because that is when I strike.

Hmm I wonder...

To reproduce I just shoot out sperm into the ocean in clouds.So I am thinking that if I did that every day for the rest of the year. Would I have an army of my offspring ready to kill their parents and rise against authority, considering they are my spawn. The parents would not even know it. They would be impregnated and not know. If one of sperms makes it to a shark it could kill everything with the ability to use elbows and bite. If one sperm makes it to a crab, it could breath air...and have elbows! This seems like the most ingenious plan I have ever come up with!

Rejection hurts even me

Well as you remember from my last post, that I had found love. Well I saw her at the trench the other day, and some sudden burst of courage rushed through me. I asked her if she wanted to go with me on a date. She laughed, she thought it was a joke. I laughed as well, because I cannot let anyone think I am weak. But its quite alright I won in the long run, lets just say that she came to a shocking conclusion, with the help of my friend Patrick the JellyFish.

So i have been smitten by cupids arrow

I know that it is odd for you to think of your God as a lover. But I am truly a romantic at heart(s), but not for just any deep sea whore. No. They have to be perfect. But look at her she is perfect. I want to reproduce with her and make ultimate children to carry on my elbow legacy. Let us hope all goes well, so I don't have to kill her.

Sorry Followers...

Sorry that I have not been posting. I was placed in the Bikini Bottom Emergency Room. What had happened was that, a small brutish man,equipped with a wooden spear and wearing nothing but a loin cloth had tried to kill me. Luckily he only got half the spear into my brain before I crushed him with my power of the almighty elbow. I was bleeding profusely and was rushed in by my good friend and ally Seymour Kraken. I was then rushed into surgery, and barely survived the incident. I hope to post more often. So my loyal followers until next time, this is Elbow Squid,Confessing.