Confessions of Elbow Squid

Every woman in my life...

2009-06-02T18:15:00.000-07:00

Has had to die by my own hands. I wish I could say I was exaggerating. When I say every woman, I mean every single woman. First there was mother, who birthed me. Well she ate all two hundred seventy six of my siblings, and me being the more evolved sibling decided to stab her in the brain. I could stab because of my elbows incase you were wondering. Then there was my high school sweet heart Cindy Blowfish, sure she was not the most "conservative" person on the planet (she had sex with a lot of guys). Well after she rejected my offer to the prom I decided to get back at her. I blew up the school while she was doing the dance of the prom queen. Then you all heard my story about Macropinna. Then finally there is my recent love interest. Her name was... well lets just call her fish. Well fish was a neighbor of mine, she normally undressed around 8 o'clock and I enjoyed watching that. Well one day Fish noticed I was looking and called the sea police. So of course the only reasonable conclusion I could come to was to murder all of the police and to slowly cut her up. Sometimes I just don't understand women.

Damn you pigs!

2009-05-04T18:24:00.000-07:00

Or perhaps this should be labeled "Damn you mexicans!" They took my idea of starting a plague of sorts. Although they did a pretty bad job at it, they are just spreading the common flu. If I was the creator of this flu I would of made it contain liver failure, something big enough to matter but small enough so they suffer. But now I cannot do that because the mexicans did it first. I do not want to look like a common copy-cat. Now I have to dispose of all this bacteria.

Thanks a lot mexicans.

I have gained a lot of weight.

2009-04-27T16:08:00.000-07:00

My body mass is a lot higher than the last time I checked. I watch what I intake, and do many activities, how is my fat so large. Is it age? Am I just getting older. This cannot be, I am only seventeen hundred squid years old. I am to young for a mid elbow crisis.

2009-04-20T17:32:00.000-07:00

Will the owner of this sea vessel please take it away. I pass it every day on my way to work and it looks very fancy, and I do not want some homeless fish to find its way into it and urinate on it. So please take it away. If you need more information, it has the words ti-nic written on it.

You are cordially invited.

2009-04-13T15:58:00.001-07:00

To attend an evening of festivities and entertainment. My brother was murdered by one of my companions the other day, so we are having a festival to commemorate this joyous occasion. Knowing that your brother is against you is no small burden for one to bear on his elbows. So I decided to have him eliminated. So let us celebrate the annihilation of one more enemy, and being one step closer to victory. The location is 1554 Octopus Gardens. If you need help its the only trench with a basket ball hoop. Mark your human calendars for April 17th, because this will be a night to remember.

He is so stupid.

2009-04-07T15:17:00.000-07:00

Hey this is Elbow Squids brother, I totally jacked his computer.

Man he is so full of himself. Just because he just happened to be born with elbows he thinks he controls the galaxy. My stupid brother is off on another of what does he call it, oh yeah "scouting mission" I swear sometimes I think he was molested as a child, how else can he be so messed up in the head. So don't believe any of the crap he spews out of his ink hole, he thinks he is great but he is just a mutant squid. I will try to keep you updated on his idiotic escapades. Oh yeah also when he wet himself until he was 400.

Conficker Computer Worm?

2009-03-31T19:51:00.000-07:00

That is simply the most ludicrous idea on the planet. It is obviously a practical joke by some lowly human. I mean how on earth can a HUMAN get a worm inside of your computer, let alone thousands of computers. I mean even if he managed to get one inside of these blasted machines, it would need edibles. So please humans get over it, you are obviously being made the tom-fool.

I laugh at your recession

2009-03-23T18:11:00.000-07:00

You humans and your need for money,you make me laugh. You live to work, and you work to live. Its quite Ironic really. So as you struggle to make enough money to put edibles into your offsprings feeding holes, I relax in my underwater kingdom. You all act as if this "recession" is a threat to life. It is a minor threat in comparison to me. I will destroy all you hold dear. So enjoy your imminent depression,because that is when I strike.

Hmm I wonder...

2009-03-17T16:23:00.000-07:00

To reproduce I just shoot out sperm into the ocean in clouds.So I am thinking that if I did that every day for the rest of the year. Would I have an army of my offspring ready to kill their parents and rise against authority, considering they are my spawn. The parents would not even know it. They would be impregnated and not know. If one of sperms makes it to a shark it could kill everything with the ability to use elbows and bite. If one sperm makes it to a crab, it could breath air...and have elbows! This seems like the most ingenious plan I have ever come up with!

Rejection hurts even me

2009-03-09T18:24:00.000-07:00

Well as you remember from my last post, that I had found love. Well I saw her at the trench the other day, and some sudden burst of courage rushed through me. I asked her if she wanted to go with me on a date. She laughed, she thought it was a joke. I laughed as well, because I cannot let anyone think I am weak. But its quite alright I won in the long run, lets just say that she came to a shocking conclusion, with the help of my friend Patrick the JellyFish.

So i have been smitten by cupids arrow

2009-03-02T18:32:00.000-08:00

I know that it is odd for you to think of your God as a lover. But I am truly a romantic at heart(s), but not for just any deep sea whore. No. They have to be perfect. But look at her she is perfect. I want to reproduce with her and make ultimate children to carry on my elbow legacy. Let us hope all goes well, so I don't have to kill her.

Sorry Followers...

2009-02-17T16:04:00.000-08:00

Sorry that I have not been posting. I was placed in the Bikini Bottom Emergency Room. What had happened was that, a small brutish man,equipped with a wooden spear and wearing nothing but a loin cloth had tried to kill me. Luckily he only got half the spear into my brain before I crushed him with my power of the almighty elbow. I was bleeding profusely and was rushed in by my good friend and ally Seymour Kraken. I was then rushed into surgery, and barely survived the incident. I hope to post more often. So my loyal followers until next time, this is Elbow Squid,Confessing.

Cloverfield Review

2008-12-10T17:03:00.000-08:00

My impression of this so called "Monster" Movie. First off, I knew the "Monster" personally. Couldn't be more of a twat. Can you believe he sometimes wears brown shows with a black suit. Back on subject. This is about a "Monster" attacking New York. My only real problem with it is that the main characters are all humans! YES another movie about humans and THEIR problems.Of course they made the "Monster" have no personality. I mean it never talks about how it enjoys the musical stylings of Steve Burns or anything like that. No it just kills everything. Just the usual stereotype. This movie greatly disappoints Elbow Squid. And has set "Monsters" Back another fifty years. That my followers is my review.

Example killings.

2008-12-09T13:44:00.000-08:00

I need to start making examples of all who oppose me, you know...for image.

Hello Humans

2008-12-09T13:34:00.000-08:00

You may or may not have heard of me. I am the Elbow Squid. First name Elbow, last name Squid. I have evolved your human elbows and plan on destroying most of your race. But if you bow down and worship me, i might let you live.

This blog was created to give you the Do's and Dont's of Elbow Squid Society. What you may like, and what you must hate. Follow the instructions i give you, and you will live.